My Reflection

Today, I looked in the mirror. I rarely ever look in the mirror. My daughter was watching me and I looked and said “I like my new glasses and the way my hair looks.” She said, “You have gray hair, I like my brown hair with sparks of red.”

I don’t usually force myself to look in the mirror, but sometimes life requires you to look.

With the kids at school, I spend a lot of the day by myself. Some days are busy with appointments, housework, errands, even writing a blog post. Meanwhile, brewing inside my brain are ideas and plans for something bigger.

Other days, I feel paralyzed.  I look at my list and my calendar and it seems impossible. I don’t know where to start, so I sit on the couch reading Facebook or Reddit. I ought to read a book, but I can’t even face the prospect of a new idea. I ought to call someone, but instead I think they will not like me calling them right now.

Then my kids come home. They need my attention. My son comes bounding off the bus and wants food and to try something he’s been thinking about on the computer. My daughter wants food and to play trains with me.

I don’t always have the energy to play. If I am tired, she is tired too. She sits on the couch asking “What should I do?” I wonder why she doesn’t know what she likes. When I give her a suggestion to do something by herself, she starts crying “I don’t know what to do!” I worry that she is becoming just like me.

Then it hit me, my image reflected back.  I saw my likeness, my daughter,  struggling with indecision, insecurity, no one will like me, I don’t know what to do.

I look at the mirror, I like the way my gray hairs contrast with the new reddish glasses I chose. When I saw them at the eyeglass store, I knew instantly that I wanted those rectangular rose-colored frames. I tried on a few different pairs, but I was confident these were it.  “I made a good decision,” I tell myself.

My daughter looks at my reflection, then at her own, smooth brown hair with reddish highlights. Her eyes, glinting hazel, smile. I am proud.

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